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…or romantic highway.
What used to be the wild west and the carriage is now the car and the motor way. Or not quite?
I am just on my way back from York, about 2 hours on the train from London. No nice car, no carriage (luckily) but a great view from a comfy seat. Shouting children, young ladies and sleeping adults. Might take a nap myself in a while.
What has changed since the good old days of carriages, horses and the wild west?
For me: WIFI. I can sit in a train, watch the country side passing by, having WIFI access in the train (and that for free) and write on my blog about having a romantic feeling looking over the country side. How great?
England is actually quite pretty. Up here in West Yorkshire. Down in Kent. Just London seems to be different. Neither does it feel particularly English with many foreigners and accents (including myself of course) but also it is a different feel - it is a city. A big city. A city that has a lot of green, which can be romantic too but, compared to the green countryside, it will stay a “town”.
Not sure what I actually would like to say here but that England has a nice countryside. No doubt.
Best Wishes to London, be home soon.
Volker
This Sunday Morning is miserable. Not easy to convince myself to go jogging but I need to and of course I want to ,-) So I will.
Let us talk about change. In October I got married and tomorrow I start my new job. That is a lot of change. According to “Holmes and Rahe, Scaling of life Change”, published in 1971 in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research - Marriage ranks with a scale value of 50 and change of work around 36 out of 100 (which is Death of Spouse). My old manager said the other day that he went to a conference that showed that people those days are going through 9 jobs in their first 10 years of working whilst his generation (he is about 40) is having 3 or 4 jobs in the same time. So maybe the scaling changed over the last 30 years.
But, change of jobs and getting married are not necessarily bad things, just the opposite. It is about the perception you have for change. I often talked about the “motivation towards to and away from”. E.g. if you change jobs because you were fired then your perception of change and the stress it causes is much higher. The opposite is true for a wedding. If you are looking forward to it and things are going well, the stress related to it is “positive stress” which is easier to cope with.
Then again, “positive stress” has the same physical impact on the body, e.g. increased heart rate, however it shows that if someone is very positive about a change then it is easier to cope with the “side effects”. Research suggests if you have a loved one that dies suddenly and unexpected, the effects on the sudden change are greater than if you know the person had a terminal illness and you see that person die. However, it would never change the grief and loss, it might just be easier to cope with the moment itself.
Whilst writing here I scan through the magazine “Personal Success” published by the Coaching Academy, and my eye caught an article about motivation of young people at the workplace. It seems that the “Matures (age over 62)” and “Baby Boomer (43-61)” are in charge of the “Generation X (28-42)” and Millennials (27 and under)”. The X-ers and Millennials do not necessarily see “hard work and loyalty, achieving a rank” as their primary goals for work. That just perfectly fits in with what I said earlier about changing jobs and taking longer to settle in the one that seems right. The one that gives someone freedom and room for personal development, “me time“.
The article points out that the younger generation have a lot of respect for their managers and their leadership and that they need to have the right “feel for the job” - if they do not feel that the job or manager are right, then they are not going to stay long in the job. Loyalty must be earned by good managers but once that has been done, one surely gets that commitment back from the younger generation. The change from management to coach? How can my boss guide me to where I would like to be?
All this and more details are published by Cam Marston “Motivating the “What’s in it for me?” Workforce”.
Looking further into my essay I saw Tolle’s book “The Power of Now” which does cover the topic of focusing on the now, the actual day, “carpe diem” so to speak, instead of focusing on either past or future.
Many many people seem to use the past as an excuse for what is happening in the now and excusing themselves about things that might happen in the future.
Without going into much detail it seems that we can only enlighten ourselves if we do focus on what is happening just precise this moment. This very second or Milli-second. Why bother about what has happened. Too many theories in my opinion focus on the idea of the past influencing our lives - time line therapy to cure what has happened? I used to live in the past quite a lot myself and found my personal way of living in the now.
However, looking at myself, I live in the future too. Aspirations, goals, wants and needs. Salary expectations, new job and family - often I think “what if I reached my dream income of lets say 100K?” - to be honest, if I ever achieve it, then I would want 200K and so forth. Death is definite, it puts an end to it all, doesn’t it? Maybe it doesn’t but then we move away from the now. We talk about that another time.
But yes, if we stop worrying about what might be and what we achieve and what might happen, we might start living in the now and focus on what is important at the moment. Because only that counts and really works in favour or disadvantage of the future. But please do not forget to think about the future, set goals etc. - but do not be too fixed with it and do not let them influence your now.
And, if you have issues from your past that influence your now, then let it go, use therapy and live your life - I had almost written “as if it would be your last day”. Not sure, maybe we should but do not exaggerate. There might be a tomorrow ,-)
Good night.
Today’s post has nothing to do with a great revelation. It is purely that I was picking up on something and thought I express my thoughts here about people’s perception.
Everyone knows if people think that all “green tomatoes” are sour then there will never be a person that is actually saying “Yes, I try a green tomato because it might not be sour.” - therefore, there is the proof, all green tomatoes are sour. (For the NLP people I highlighted a few words in the last sentence.)
Now, we can take this into any context - racial discrimination would be most classical example. I am a member of a German fraternity - some of which are more political orientated whilst others are more religious orientated, whilst my group, the Corps, are very tolerant and personal development orientated.
With this example there are two ways you can approach any fraternity student, either as being religious or political involved. Which one would be the right one? As all tomatoes are green or in this case yellow, it must be one of the two. However, the simple example of prejudice and perception shows that there are more than yellow and green tomatoes out there and that those tomatoes, although being green or yellow could be of different taste, e.g. a religious orientated fraternity might be more catholic or more protestant orientated. And, it shows that my fraternity group is actually in the group of the red tomatoes, neither yellow or green, and that that there is no pattern you can apply to any of those colours/groups.
The reason for my thoughts today is that there are still “friends” out there that from my perspective and perception seem to look for a certain colour of tomato. And I find that, living in London where you find more than red, green and yellow tomatoes, this is a very wrong thing to do. I was discussing with a friend yesterday that it is a shame for people to see things just for the sake of “wanting to see things”. Having blinkers that just do not allow any lateral thinking or viewing of things.
So, before I get into a Sunday preaching mood I better let you go with those thoughts and my best wishes for you to try and stop at the next yellow tomato to find out whether it is sour. You might be positively surprised!
I am reading the book THE DIAMOND CUTTER at the moment. Again, one of those amazing books you do not want to put down.
In a Buddhist way Geshe Michael Roach is showing how sustainable business really works. And, how you can apply Buddhist principles to it.
My most favourite chapter is about the imprints you left in your life that cause you experiencing similar situations over again.
For an example, if you had a bad boss and you are thinking that is only his fault to be bad, then this leaves an imprint. You then move to another company and somehow you have a similar situation there. Not happy, bad boss. It is your imprint, your perception that let you be in certain situations.
Geshe Michael gives a great instruction on how to change your imprint, to only have positive imprints that lead to a great business, happy work and great situations - it is up to you and how you perceive situations as well as your previous experience.
Definitely a MUST READ. His Website is here, currently under construction. But you find a short abstract here. Also, there is another website.
Maybe it is sad that a sales manager for an online and digital marketing show admits that this weekend, after paying a few quid to transfer 2 videos on dvd, I trashed the last two videos I still had. The video-recorder went 2 weeks ago.
An era ended long before but for us, we hung on to the last videos and the video recorder that so nicely showed the time just under the TV. I bought a new clock, analog though ,-)
Life changed so much. The videos I transferred to dvd are the ones from my graduation - that is 11 years ago. That is amazing, at that time video recorders were expensive and the latest technology. Almost anyway and for me, I still copied CDs on cassettes 2 years ago to listen to them in the car. This time I bought a CD player that even plays MP3. Having done all that my phone now works as an MP3 player and the memory is bigger than the MP3 player I bought two years ago….Also, I decided that my 15 year old stereo will not be replaced with a cassette player - but it still works and probably continues to do so for another 15 years!
Am I afraid things move on too quickly. Yes and no. A friend of mine is paranoid that his IP address is tracked and never does anything online while I find nothing else than behavioural targeting more interesting and useful in today’s world. The only thing that I have to admit is that I still do not know how to subscribe to podcasts and download them automatically…but hey, I am still young.
Before I turn 50 I am sure the digital revolution implanted a chip in us and all I need to do is think of what I would like and “bang” there it is. The song I would like to listen to, the news I would like to watch on my phone or whatever it might be.
Let it come the revolution…..I believe I am ready.
Then again, looking up record players, and I am a fanatic to listen to 70-ties records of Reinhard Mey and Peter Maffay on records as it gives you the real sound, you get them as a gadget for your USB hub….sad world.
I started reading Millman’s second book about the journey of the peaceful warrior in the first book. Surely I am going to write more about it.
It starts out very well. A thing I liked from the start is the translation of “carpe diem”, make your day. The warrior recognizes the shaman in Hawaii because she said “Create your day” rather than “have a good day”.
If all warriors would use the same quote, would we be able to change the world?
I did not notice that Dan Millman wrote more than this book. I finished it and would like to add some more comments but also I ordered his other 2nd book; Millman wrote a book which takes out bits and pieces of his book and then discusses them. Would he write a blog for me?
Guess not, as he has his own blog. Visit his website: http://www.danmillman.com/ - a lot of questions are answered there. And, looking at his page, that is something where I would love to end up in years. Inspiring people, giving advise, writing books and make a living from it. My respect, Mr. Millman!
Lets get back to the book:
Once you make your choice, do it with all your spirit. Don’t be like the evangelist who thought about praying while making love to his wife, and thought about making love to his wife while praying.
I love this rather common phrase, because deep down it shows commitment. You either do it or you do not. You do not take on a job you cannot do or would not try everything possible to finish it, would you? Do not do anything lighthearted, rather not do it at all!
Then Millman talks about Happiness and Money. Which I like because I would love to have millions of GBP in my bank account however happiness is more important. The difference between being wealthy and being rich.
Happiness = Satisfaction / Desire
“If you have enough money to satisfy your desires, Dan, you are rich. But there are two ways to be rich: You can earn, inherit, borrow, beg, or steal enough money to meet expensive desires; or you can cultivate a simple lifestyle of few desires; that way you always have more than enough money.”
Whatever you desire in life, if you keep it small (denominator in the above equation) then the happiness gets greater by same satisfaction - that reminds me of my maths class at university. Or, you have lots of money and can satisfy a lot. But the problem will be you have more money (increase in satisfaction), your desire grows and then happiness does not grow. So if you have a lot of money try to keep your desires small.
I reckon Dan is right to keep your desires simple and modest and you are easier pleased ergo your happiness is higher. It makes sense - the less things to worry about, the less things to aim or strive for, the less to worry, the more to live for!
While it is difficult to just pick out some of Dan’s quotes there is another thought I enjoyed.
“You do have a terminal illness: it is called birth.”
So often you hear people that have cancer for instance and say “I make every day as nice as possible and live it as if it was my last. I have nothing to lose.” - We all are in that situation. We only have around 75 years on average on this planet. Let us all make the most of it, the most of NOW. The power of NOW. Why wait to make decisions and wait to be something we can be today. Start changing your life today, there might not be a tomorrow!
Dan describes very vividly at the end of the book how death appears and what happens to your body. It is eaten away and becomes dust. End of story.
Not quite because that is “just” your body. You live in it, you nourish it and vice versa but at the end of the day it is your thought and your soul that makes YOU. Luckily I have never experienced it but if someone has an accident that results in a body damage. Sure, life will never be the same, but the person stays the same. The body changes but the mind does not. One stays oneself; if you lose an arm through an accident you still are the same person.
I leave you with those thoughts for the weekend. It is important to understand that the conscious and the mind explains what you feel, how you feel, what you like and wish for. But the body has little or no influence. One could go as far to say that the body is just a protection around our thoughts and keeps them protected.
We decide with our mind, willpower and motivation what we like to do.
I tell you about fasting tomorrow.
Whilst reading the above book, after recovering from a flu-like cold, I came across a nice story which I like to reproduce here. I am sure Dan Millmann would not mind me copying this passage and publish it here:
An old man and his son worked on a small farm, with only one horse to pull the plow. One day, the horse ran away.
“How terrible,” sympathized the neighbours. “What bad luck.”
“Who knows whether it is bad luck or good luck,” the farmer replied.
A week later, the horse returned from the mountains leading five wild mares into the barn.
“What wonderful luck!” said the neighbours.
“Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?” answered the old man.
The next day, the son, trying to tame one of the horses, fell and broke his leg.
“How terrible. What bad luck!”
“Good luck? Bad luck?”
The army came to all the farms to take the young men for war. The farmer’s son was of no use to them, so he was spared.
“Good? Bad?”
This story fascinates me as it shows in a simple way that there are always two sides to look at. A situation has its positive sides and negative sides. A car accident can lead to you missing a plane that could have crashed if you were on board. Things in life happen that might prevent us to get into worse situations although they look like being bad situations themselves. There is always something that could be worse and something that could be better.
Everything has a purpose - is said in the book. And it is up to us to make the best out of it. Sometimes the worst situations bring out the best in people. It is not by accident that people who are pushed to their boundaries usually perform the best.
Whatever you do in life there are different views to it. A bad situation could prevent something worse. A good situation easily turn into a bad one. And a bad situation can turn into something good. Never forget, it also depends on your map, your territory, of what you make of things.
Have a good night.
Another Sunday but something is different - it is sunny outside, almost too hot and isn’t it the first ever real sunny Sunday this year in the UK? Lovely.
Das Wort zum Sonntag - the word of Sunday (? not sure if that would be a good translation) or better the lecture of Sunday.
I have been thinking a lot about how much is going on in my and other people’s life. What are we here for and why? The path of life, destination and sense. Does it make sense?
Of course it does. Discussions with various people about “should you change a bad situation” in order to get a better or should you stick to it - at least for a while - to find out whether you can solve it and - if you can - learn anything from it. Are you meant to be in the situation to learn something about yourself?
What about the saying of “we are already where we are supposed to be and whether the situation around us changes, we are meant to be in the situation where we are and have all necessary tools to live in our life” - then this means it does not matter where we work, live, play as we are ourselves and the outside does not matter?
It is a tough call - a call I would not be able to make - but what are those teachings and ideas want to tell us? Surely not indifference?
From my point of view we are born into a life that was chosen by us but which we influence through our own motivation and energy. Latter reflects back to the Secret. So therefore coming into a “bad situation” might be reflected down to yourself as an energy you sent out to come into that situation, a fear, being afraid of. Looking back in my own life I could show you at few examples, try it out for yourself.
However, if you are in those situations you have asked for yourself - conscious or unconscious - then you are there to deal with it to solve a problem within you. As you need to get your energy right inside you in order to get it corresponding on the outside, a positive world where we like to be.
We are happy when for everything inside us there is a corresponding something outside us.
(William Butler Yeats)
Ergo we can conclude that our energy direct us in life and get us to the point where we are supposed to be; negative situations to learn from and positive situations to enjoy. I would go as far and conclude that if we are treating other people with respect, love and happiness at all times, even if they are rude and bad to us, we gain more energy from it and make a difference. Not at least to us. And maybe that is where the thought plays in that “we are already where we are” - because if we are happy within us and know where we want to go and where we feel best, then the outside becomes less important, doesn’t it?
Have a great, sunny, Sunday.
Hello All,
Not many people read this blog at the moment. Think I need to write more about myself. If I moved this blog to Facebook probably the whole nation is interested….
Back to the main purpose of this blog: it is purely to cover some ground on NLP topics, coaching and philosophical ideas. Things we can change and how we can change it.
What - What is it you want to change?
How - How is it really affecting you?
Why - Why do you really want to change how it is affecting you?
This goes beyond the usual “textbook” - we look into deeper understanding of the mind.
Often I think that looking beyond certain reasoning and beyond people’s motivation I find a psychological problem. Or are all those problems just human and not problems at all. Meeting so many different people lately being away in Germany it seems as if a whole nation has inherited behaviour. Is that possible? If so - will it ever change?
Without wanting to sound prejudice but obvioulsy the older generation in Germany grew up with the stigma them being evil and having to apologies for the 2nd world war. The younger generation partly inherited that thought but some did not. The world-cup last year seems to give Germany some identity and people forgot about their history “giving it a new go“. Ergo, the economy grows, self-confidence grows, spending power grows. All very positive effects.
Can someone imitate or model that behaviour? What if we could model it and implement it in the UK before the 2012 games - would we be able to achieve double the effect? Will China after the 2008 games grow even more massively and liberate itself from communism completely?
I do not want to start a political or historical debate but a purely behavioural debate. Can you train your children to be more successful after they won a soccer-cup? I think you can. Anything can boost your self-confidence, you just have to realize it.
Have a great weekend. Summer is supposed to come back.
NLP and DBM are closely connected. NLP is like the tool, e.g. a hammer. With a hammer you can smash glass or a brick. But if you like to master the hammer in order to use it in a useful manner, one needs the technique, goal and direction to put a nail in the wall. DBM goes beyond the tool and provides you with the techniques on how to use it.
Applications of NLP/DBM are universal. In coaching, careers advice, personal development, change management, motivation, sustainable change. Some services of CB Consulting are based on those techniques and tools to achieve sustainable change.
O’Connor and Seymour in their book “Introducing NLP” nicely describe “the map is not the territory”.
An artist, a lumberjack and a botanist taking a stroll through a wood will have a very different experiences and notice very different things. If you go through the world looking for excellence, you will find excellence. If you go through the world looking for problems, you will find problems.
Perception and beliefs are basic understandings of how we see the world.
I just finished reading a book called “Die vergessene Generation (the forgotten generation)” by Sabine Bode - it gives an insight about people who were born during WW2, e.g. their traumas and experience and how those influenced their lifes. Not many people paid attention to this generation that was born during bomb attacks. This generation suffered but tried to ignore their traumas to “move on” and “make things happen”. “Others were worth off” and “you do not speak or talk about your problems, you just get on with it”. This behaviour was passed on to their children and children’s children generation. The attitude of Germans working hard surely might come from that generation which after the war build up a destroyed country. A friend just mentioned recently that women in Berlin (Trümmerfrauen) over-achieved their target per day of cleaning bricks on a regular base. Because their motivation was so high. Maybe their fear of the war coming back was so high? Whatever the motivation was it made them highly successful.
Can our generation, lucky as we do not have any wars in our own countries, learn from their experience on how to motivate ourselves? I believe we can.
ballueder
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